A bit of random ridiculousness...

How do I know Summer is here even though the calendar hasn't said it is?

Easy.

My shoes by the backdoor say it all.

Slippers on the stool, Doc Martins [never move], new sneakers [still glowing white their so clean], and four pairs of thongs. A girl can never have too many thongs. Light pink, purple, black, and newer black are not the only ones I have, but they are the ones I've worn recently.

Love my thongs.

They aren't flip flops, that is the noise made by those who don't know how to wear these fine foot adornments properly. Since the Fred Flinstone foot event, I Have to admit to this sound randomly escaping from my usually quiet tred, and I am ashamed.

Now, for those who think I never wear proper shoes, theirs a black pair up in the bedroom [in the suitcase not fully unpacked] and, in the spare room a red pair still in the box. Not to worry, I'll put them away, soon.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

A good laugh to kick off your weekend!

Did you know that Eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.

After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.

So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.

The sex was good but all the dove would say is ....

'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is.......

'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'

So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate.

This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....


(scroll down)


NO, The duck didn't say THAT


... Don't be SO disgusting!


The duck said....

'I am a DRAKE, You made a MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!











I am absolutely terrified of birds, but this gem [from Stephanie - thank you!], made me laugh :-)

A bit of random ridiculousness...

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma'.

The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

Little Known Baseball Fact

The first testicular guard (Cup) was used in baseball in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1934.

It took 60 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Thank you, WooWoo, this was a hoot!

A bit of random ridiculousness...

So, you're expecting to receive some chocolate over the holidays, and yet still have Halloween goodies hanging around. What can you do? Well, here's an idea for the chocolate bars - yes, even those with nuts, berries, or whatever:

1. Break the bar or bars up into chunks [about a 1/2 cup worth] and put in a mug.

2. Put mug in the microwave and turn it on for 15-20 seconds, use a wooden spoon to stir a bit and break it up a bit more. Repeat.

3. Once almost all melted add a teaspoon of butter - yes, butter! - and do the final melt, and then stir.

4. Add milk to the chocolate/butter mixture and slowly, like before, heat it up. Stir occassionally with your wooden spoon and dip you finger in occassionally to decide when it's a toasty temp to drink.

5. Decorate your hot chocolate feast with either whipped cream or marshmallow [I usually do the minis because they melt and meld into the beverage where the big ones can create a shelf]. After that, you can sprinkle the small pieces that didn't make it into the mug over the top, or anything else you fancy - like broken candy canes.

Yummy, and now you're ready to receive some more chocolate.

With my mind bouncing between Heaven and Hell...

I was sent this by my friend S [thank you :-)] and truly enjoyed it!

HELL EXPLAINED (By a chemistry student)

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

An interesting bit of random ridiculousness - Captain Kirk from the recently released Star Trek movie, Chris Pine, went to the University of Leeds, and so did I.









© Cliff Watts

A bit of random ridiculousness...

Normally, I'm all about forgiving and moving on, not wasting time dwelling on the good or bad, except for when it comes to one issue in specific. I know this isn't good and I do feel bad because I had [and still am having] a happy glow when I heard about a certain someone seriously big, failed so horribly, so publically.

As far as I'm concerned, they deserve everything they get and will continue to do so until I hear about them doing something right.

Who am I talking about?

The Yankees! That's right, the New York Yankees [management, not the players] are going to continue racking up losses [old field or new] until I can get over their horrific behavior toward my cutie.

Karma, baby, may it keep on kicking you.

Random bit of Ridiculousness...

The view would be incredible, but I'd rather walk out my backdoor and onto the sand then drop off a cliff!

Even as a youngster I was never in to cliff diving.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

My first ad [it was with Ellora's Cave for Highland Heat] in the Realms of Fantasy magazine turned out to their second to the last issue - what a shame!

This was an interesting magazine that had short stories, movie and book reviews, and showcased artists - all in the world of fantasy.

In fact, I discovered work of Daniel Merriam, whose "In the Lap of Luxury" was the cover. I'll be looking for more from him - maybe visit one of the galleries that is showing his work because I like them.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

While what is happening businesswise isn't funny right now, this video highlighting a sector is thriving, is.



That's right, people are buying more condoms.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

This weekend I'd like to eat chocolate, drink Coca Cola, go see Rock-n-Rolla and Body of Lies, sleep in, watch some footie [both British and American], work on "Call Me Lucifer" and enjoy the lovely weather.

However, I have a new eating regime to stick to, laundry to do, Birthday and Christmas shopping to get started, more filing [a years worth] to do, bills to write, blah-blah-blah.

Which side will win out...or will it be a mix? Hmmm.

Random bit of ridiculousness...

Last Saturday night I was at The Spotty Dog for a booksigning - love this bookstore. Anyway, Hannah [I believe a tropical storm at this point] was making her way through so driving home was a bit slow. When I pulled up to our garage around one in the morning, the cutie smiled and said "You left the door open." Well, obviously. I wasn't going to get wet to close it only to open it later. Reasonable, right? Ummm, no. I closed the garage door and had all the water Hannah had dumped in the past 6 hours fall on me. I'm rather proud I didn't scream out with shock and the cutie didn't laugh too loudly until we got inside.

Nevermind. What's been making me laugh today is Cake Wrecks. I love it! Head over and enjoy :-)

I'll be with the East Coast Authors this Saturday at Borders in Middletown, NY from 1-4:00pm. Hope you can stop by and say hello.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

I was reading my Bloglines this morning and Philly Transplant had a picture of Olympian Ryan Lochte. My sleepy brain realized something, do you see it?



Ryan Lochte looks like Alexander the Great!

A bit of random ridiculousness...

All is going well this month of pure writing and a booksigning [on the 21st] but there's been one hiccup - September. Why? Simple really, there's too much I want to do and they are all at roughly the same time!

1. the Moveable Book Society's conference is going to be held in Washington D.C. and will be full of unexpected treasures - since I missed both San Diego and Chicago, I promised myself I'd go to this one but something else came along that was both pleasure and work,

2. the West Hollywood Book Fair - I even said yes I'd go until I remembered,

3. a friend's wedding in Cork, Ireland.

Yup, going to the latter and it's on my birthday as well.

A bit of random ridiculousness...

No one will be surprised that the tears flowed freely watching Brett Farve announce his retirement...his class will be missed.

On a lighter note, I saw Vantage Point last weekend and it was good, very interesting way of looking at a single event. Love it when movies step out of the traditional box.

Speaking of, hope you have a chance to head over and listen to my interview from Thursday on Books Beyond Boundaries with Stella Price. Seriously, it was a BLAST!

Have a spectacular weekend everyone!

A bit of random ridiculousness...

Last night the cutie and went to the flicks to see Jumper. It was all right, interesting premise, but I came home with a bruised nose and swollen face.

Why? Well, I wear glasses and when I say I don't see well in the dark, I mean it. You see, I dropped a napkin and bent over to pick it up and nailed the empty seat in front of me. Misjugdged the distance or simply forgot it was there...both are possible. What made the price steep for making a mistake was the fact it's an old theater with wooden seats.

OUCH!

So, what's the positive here?

The nose isn't broke and I don't have black eyes :-)

Who knew going to the movies could be so dangerous!

A bit of random ridiculousness...

Eight different hotels in ten days, what did I learn on this trip? Well, you decide. Here's what happened.

A couple of days in to the trip the cutie mentioned my carrying a Victoria Secret bag was causing interesting looks. No way, I said. That was ridiculous. The bag was full of pens and manuscripts printed out so I could work while in the car [deadlines were and still are looming]. There was also a box of nuts, girlscout cookies [thin mints] and later a license plate holder was added [visited one of my publishers - but more on that later]. Niether of us brought this up again and I kept using the bag to hold things I wanted to get to while we were driving.

Seven days later we unload the car for the latest hotel and it's freezing outside. A few guys called out and offered to hold open the side door for us so we could get inside as quick as possible. Thank you, the cutie said, as he stepped through the door. As I made it to the door, the man holding it open said I see a Victoria Secret bag and say, get those two inside.

I kid you not! It's a bag without a hint of lingerie showing, just the opposite. So what do you take away from this little happening? Me, I'm starting to think guys actually can see sex in just about anything.

Random Ridiculousness...

This is the time of year everyone starts looking for a calendar. It's not my choice this year, it's the cuties so I'm worried. My all time favorite, despite being terrified of birds, has to be the Extraordinary Chickens. It's like pin-ups for the chicken crowd. So what has caught my eye this year that I have no chance of getting?

Naked for a Cause has Australian rugby players stripping down to benefit breast cancer and they do a fabulous job of it.

A similar calendar that also happens to be a work of art is the ongoing Dieux du Stade series and I swear, these guys often show up as inspiration for my heroes...strong, agile, and WOW!

And something different came to my attention, Cofanifunebri, and I'm intrigued. Don't know it? They offer a fabulous mix of sex and coffins. Yup, that's right, but what I'd like to know is: can two people be buried together?

A bit of random ridiculousness...

I recently attended a wedding. It was an evening function so was in a bit of a panic about what to wear. For three weeks, on two different coasts, I shopped for a "cocktail" dress, maybe one that would be my staple little black number.

Nothing was up to snuff so I bought a sweater while to the left of us to wear over a little purple number I had - thought the cleavage was inappropriate for a wedding. Problem is, it didn't work with the dress, although it looks lovely with jeans :-)

On the way to the hotel, we stopped at a mall for a pair of jeans - we were leaving the next day for a trip and I had none without any holes. Found 2 pair of jeans and a beautiful black dress in less than an hour.

Why? Why, when you have the time to look, you find nothing, and when you have no time, you find exactly what you were looking for within seconds?